As he opened his eyes and became conscious of his whereabouts he felt light-weight, almost as if the wind could carry him in its wake and abandon him in an unknown destination. The morning sun was caressing his cheeks with a warm glow and everything he looked at appeared in a bright white light. Slowly the memories of last night surfaced however his head didn’t shout out in pain. He remembered how he had a few shots to drink in an Irish bar and finally when the unsated thirst gave in he snorted two lines. The memory was not clear after that but he remember his last thoughts before sleeping; he felt himself rise up from his body and reach for the stars.
Suddenly a sharp cry attracted his attention, as he looked towards the source he saw a jogger standing a few feet away crying hysterically looking towards him. He wanted to calm her down but then let the moment pass by. He simply stared at her as she made a call and after about 10 mins a truck parked in front of them. He basked in the sunlight, listening to the grass breath out oxygen under his ears. A team of 5 men approached him and lifted something from inside him in a stretcher. He didn’t understand initially but when he saw it, he realised the shocking truth. He had died. It was his body that they carried away in the stretcher and were endlessly trying to resuscitate.
He sat down on the grass and looked around. The actual horror of the situation was now out in open staring back at him. He wasn’t ready to die yet, he didn’t prepare for it to happen so soon. He hadn’t snorted too much last night, he has done much worse before, than how could he die all of a sudden without telling anyone about it? He thought of Emma, he wanted to reach her right at this moment. And as if Emma heard his thoughts, she came running out of the car that has just stopped at the parking lot. She kept saying his name trying to wake him up in the parked ambulance. In response he got up from his bed and embraced her yet she slipped away. He couldn’t hold her anymore, he had no body. Strands of her untied hair flew awry with the wind and yet she stood looking glorious under the warm sun in her pink PJ’s. He longed to turn her face towards him and kiss her on the crinkle of the nose like he always did, but that was a lost opportunity now. He sat there hopelessly, looking at her body going limp from crying and the para-medics trying to keep her upright.
Soon a crowd gathered and people started talking in hushed tones. He could hear the fading conversations around him but he couldn’t see them anymore. It was as if they wore a dark cloak over themselves to remain unseen from him. His vision had started to baffle him, everything looked very bright under the white light. It illuminated everything around him in spectre of pure beauty. After a while he began to wonder about why was he still laying in the park, weren’t dead supposed to be taken away to a heaven/hell? Yet why did no angels show up to prepare him for his journey ahead?
Tired of wondering and waiting for something he turned his attention to the spectacle of his death. His mother showed up after half an hour, and cried frantically clutching Emma by her arms. Dad was still not to be seen anywhere, probably he was relieved that all his drama has come to an end finally. He felt that he should have been emotional at this sight of mom and Emma, but instead he felt terribly lonely. He was invisible from the face of earth literally, yet he was still there.
He looked away and saw a bench underneath a giant fig tree nearby. Walking away from soft murmurs behind him, he reached the tree and sat down on the cool granite surface. The bench groaned creakily and woke up as the tree welcomed him with a soft hustle of leaves.
“Good morning!” He heard and looked around hoping to find somebody.
“I am here” the voice said from under him. He jumped up from the bench on realizing that IT was talking to him.
Ben: “What is this? How can you speak? Where am I?”
Bench: “Oh don’t worry, you are still on earth but just on a different dimension. BTW I’m bench and welcome to the new world.”
“Oh good god! But how can you speak? I have never heard you speaking before.”
“Well I have spoken before but you have never heard me because you couldn’t comprehend it. Now that you have passed over from those 4 dimensions, you are here and so you can hear me.”
‘This is crazy’ Ben thought.
“I know it is right!!” Said the bench.
“Stop! How did you hear that?”
“Oh! It’s easy, you will hear too if I think of something.”
“Do you mean we have no privacy here?”
“Now what on earth do you need that for?”
“Well I am a person and I will have my own thoughts and opinions. I can’t let them be heard always.”
“Well you indeed are a being, but why would you keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself? Haven’t you had enough of that in your world? Now you are free, you can think anything and let it be heard.”
“But I don’t want my inner thoughts to be heard, I don’t always think good of things and I will be ashamed if others hear it.”
“Well then cleanse yourself, here you will be seeing and confronting nothing but the truth and slowly you will have nothing more than truth in your inner thoughts.”
It was an overwhelming conversation and Ben wasn’t ready for that yet, so he closed his eyes and slowly found himself tuning out of the present. It felt like someone had turned on a projector in his head as slowly images of Emma, mom, his childhood and various other things started appearing in no particular order. He could pause at any image and live that memory, it was all bound up in his mind. It was a while before he opened his eyes again and started speaking to the bench.
Ben: “Could you tell me more about what’s happening to me?”
“You are in your chosen path. You would know everything soon.” Said Bench
“Why is there no one in this world? I am not the only one to die but then where are others? Where am I? Is it heaven or is it hell?”
The bench smiled and said “Looks like you are still living in your old world. There is no heaven or hell like you imagine it to be. Heaven and hell are the insides of you really. They are merely terms used by human beings to describe beyond death, for they are unaware. It is too early for me to explain these things to you however remain assured for you will see the truth yourself.”
They fell silent again and he returned to his memories with eyes closed to relive few of his favourites. Soon he had lived them all and didn’t feel the need to live them again. He had let them pass off from his mind and now instead started talking to bench and tree every now and then.
It was gradually that the brightness of his vision dimmed and his eyes got accustomed to the new surroundings. It felt like coming into a dark room after spending a lot of time under the bright sun. One day out of nowhere he was saw a blue being, the one who had started joining them in their conversations of late. The being had simply appeared as if he put away the dark cloak that covered him making him invisible. It was like he was always there.
The conversations that Ben had with tree, bench and blue being were always fruitful as he learned more and more about things he was previously unknown of. This went on for long until one day the decision of moving further occurred to him. As Ben bid goodbye to his companions the blue being presented him with a Jewish Ko-an for him to ponder over:
“If I am not for me, then who is for me?
If I am just for me, then who am I?
And if not now, then when?”